I'm glad you found a good one, restores the faith a little :). I get sick of defending myself too, to the point where i generally don't talk about him because of the preconceptions people have and how they judge. It is hard to distinguish between the good and the bad but i think they are trying to figure the girls out as much as we are trying to figure them out and they see the girls that are only good for one thing and the girls who are decent and aren't stupid.
Aam are you planning to go live there permanently? And how old is your hubby if you don't mind me asking?
And thanks bluepeterno1 its nice to see someone who isn't as narrow minded as some:).

Hi just with what you were saying about you dont buy him much and you've met his friends etc. well do you think its a better sign if they introduce you to family etc? or do you think that they would introduce somebody they wanted to use still? ive got bit of a story but think somebody got the wrong idea of me in a post i made while back about things.

Hi Hibz7

Many Turkish men will introduce a woman to their family, but very often the family are in on it too, and are happy for their son to marry a western woman as they know it will help all of them financially! When these men marry western women, once they get their ILR to remain in Britain they invariably leave their British wives and send for their Turkish bride. It happens time and time again.

Another trick they like to pull is to tell you their granny/uncle/cousin is sick in hospital and they need money for an operation. They will then expect you to send them money over by Post Office Telegram or Western Union. In fact, for the very poor in Turkey medical treatment is FREE - so don't believe a word of it!

They will also bombard you with text messages telling you you are their Angel, their Wife , and they will send long verses of text from poetry they've read in old musty books; stuff like: I want to cry a river so that I can swim over to you before my heart breaks into a thousand pieces......or..........Your eyes live in my heart My Angel, I am your husband forever and my heart bleeds when I watch you leave.....

The most things they covet are new Mobile Phones (Nokia in particular), Designer Trainers (must be genuine), Football Shirts, Money for 'operations' , and the new things are Laptops. Laptops are THE thing now. Any other gifts are extremely welcome too......and the highest prize is The Visa! To increase their chances of the top prize they collect as many Loves of their Lives throughout the working season. Average is about 2.2 a month, but if he's a swift worker he could double that. They have a kind of revolver belt - as one woman says goodbye on the coach on the way to the airport, his next girlfiend probably sits in the same seat on the return journey back to the resort.

Unfortunately, these men are professional at what they do and many women fall for their patter.

Strawberry

Gosh Strawberry, you certainly know all the 'tricks'.

Why do you think Turkish men are particularly noted for this type of behaviour. Is it that is is seen as culturally acceptable there or are there any other countries where men behave in this way and to the same degree.

I know in any culture you have gold diggers...some may say those WAGs are the same for example...but it seems the level of planning that the Turkish men go to is very in depth.

The double entendre in Cemiles post on thursday has had me crying with laughter

If you cant work it out I aint going to tell you

You can tell it like it is Strawberry7 , well done.

My wife gets loads of attention when in Turkey and she hates it, Not all but most Turkish men have a touchy feely side to them and we both hate it.

My wife has been known to throw the odd drink over a waiter who thinks its ok to act like a dog in heat, she does this before I smack the creep in the face.

This will not stop us going to Turkey for a holliday, but can spoil a good night out, She would never be treated like this in the UK.

We can tell the good from the bad and tend to make it clear that we dont like the creepy ones , makes a good story to tell when we get home.

We have seen many holiday makers being taken in for their so called charm ( creepy if you ask us ).

You should write a handbook on this.

In my younger days I had flings with some lovely turkish lads. I never went 'all the way' with them though - it was just a bit of holiday fun.

That's how I would see it now if I were to go down that route. It's just that many women, perhaps the older ones, have often had their hearts broken back home and are disillusioned with the men they meet. When they come across a turkish guy and all the cr*p they spout about love and how wonderful and beautiful and perfect they are - well with the best will in the world it can turn a lady's head who wouldn't normally fall for patter. Everyone likes a bit of flattery.

We hear time and time again though, that they can turn this on like a lightswitch. I would be, and have been, wary of anyone who declares their undying love within days of meeting. In fact, I did have this kind of gushing stuff from turkish lads way back then and I would just be 'yeah right'.

Take it as it is I say.

As for when you are so much younger - well, maybe those lads are not out there just to pick up a woman for money and a visa. I'm sure they genuinely have feelings, just not so full on as they might say they do. It's a culture thing. I've sat with hotel staff while they've shown me photos of their young english girlfriend and they have been most respectful - but their words and sentiments are often far more than their real feelings beneath. Unlike british blokes, they can turn it on and look like they mean it.

So don't worry. Enjoy it. There is no harm at your age....

Hi, I am also married to a Turkish man, we have been together for 5 years and have two children. We met in Turkey and I lived there for some time before we moved back to the UK. There are some genuine men out there but also agree with everything Strawberry has said because there are far more of them like that - even my husband says most men in the resorts are no good.

Anyway Cemile, just letting you know I have a positive story for you so don't lose faith x

Kedi

No one's mentioned their patience either, they are very, very patient, because the rewards are high, two years is nothing to them for the long term gain. I work with a Turk and have heard many storys, but wont post as the disbelievers will be at me as per. More interested if they manage 10 or 15 years. I know many UK marriages don't last that long, but at least on the day folk get wed they think it will last forever and aren't already panning for their Turkish bride to come over a couple of years down the line.

I know there is going to be the odd genuine case and sincerely hope aam's is one, but I think it's naive to think they are in the majority. Will you be coming back to the UK to live, after you have spent the summer out there, now that your hubby has finished his National Service or permanently staying in Turkey ?

I have met people where it works and is genuine. The head barman at the hotel I was at last year is married to an english lady and has been for years. They spend the summer in Dalyan and the winter in Shropshire. She has grown up sons who look after the house during the summer. She works the summer months while she is there doing beauty treatments.

I didn't say you hadn't. I personally think that 16 years old it is too young to stay with the same boyfriend whatever the nationality of that boy and would not actively encourage any young person to do so. I would have thought that was a time (whilst not promoting promiscuous behaviour) to perhaps go out with a few different people rather than going seriously with one person, you have a lot of life left to live at that age. But as with everything I post that is just IMHO.

Oh Dear Briar, that's a bit of a sad tale it kind of makes you lose faith when people try to take advantage of your good nature in that way. Good job you are both wordly-wise, as you say there are others that would have believed the story.

I didn't say you hadn't. I personally think that 16 years old it is too young to stay with the same boyfriend whatever the nationality of that boy and would not actively encourage any young person to do so. I would have thought that was a time (whilst not promoting promiscuous behaviour) to perhaps go out with a few different people rather than going seriously with one person, you have a lot of life left to live at that age. But as with everything I post that is just IMHO.

Absolutely I agree with you, but cemille is 18, having fun, and I'm gathering hasn't got the resources to be hopping over to see him very often. At that young age you are not about to be giving them money, bringing them over here, paying for operations etc. More likely to fizzle out from the person in the UK when they are off to college and meeting more interesting people. It seems to be the older women with disposable cash and assets who get really caught out by these guys.

Cemile wrote:

Its just that I have been with a turkish boy for almost two years, we are both 18 and appear to be serious about each other

Well to me if you are 18 and have been with someone seriously for almost 2 years even with my rudimentary maths I would assume the relationship started at 16, unless I am missing something. No doubt you will correct me if I am wrong.

Cemile.... be careful, you have posted about sending money........ one word of advice..... DONT!!! It stats small, and you will be manipulated to give more and more.... they are very convincing.

I quite agreed with you perfume. I really cant see why SandC would actively want to encourage this.

Well, she just seems to be getting a downer from everyone, that's all. I remember being that age - things that are 'quite serious' tend to fizzle out. Quite serious with a turkish guy means seeing him once, twice a year and the rest of the time texting, emailing etc.?

I'm sure Cemille will set us straight on whether she sits at home pining for her turkish love every night but I suspect she doesn't.

I'm sorry, but as a mother with a daughter a couple of years younger than this young girl, I can't agree with you I think sending money is quite serious. I would hate to think of someone encouraging my Daughter in something like this rather than urging caution. Also I don't consider urging caution, as 'being a right downer'.

This thread started as a result of a young girl asking us if she should go and spend the first week of this years holiday season with a Turkish man, as she had a great time with him last summer and she was his 'special' girl. If you have read the thread from begining to end and the feedback she subsequently gave you know how that turned out.

Absolutely, I totally agree with you, I just like to look at both sides of the story. My posts DO urge caution, Cemille has stated already that she is not daft and no doubt she has also read this entire thread.

Cemille has never mentioned sending money to her Turkish boyfriend though?