I can understand your trepidation, but try to remember that these situations are very, very rare indeed. But if it helps to put your mind at rest then do buy some reins or a strap as the last thing you want is to spend your holiday in a constant state of anxiety.

I can appreciate that recent events have increased your anxieties but I think it's worth remembering that the risk of abduction is very low. I can't quote you figures for Spain but I'd be surprised if the relative stats are that different So to put it into perspective, in this country the average number of abductions and murders by strangers per year has been around 6-8 for the last 10 years, compared to a similar number being killed by a family member EVERY month but of course these cases don't always hit the headlines or rise to such prominence. When a child goes missing or is murdered in the UK then the parents are usually the front line suspects and nearly always questioned first. The fact that the Portugese police seemed to do the same in the McCann case suggests that in their experience too, the risk of abduction by a stranger is very low there too. But when you compare these figures to the number of children killed on our roads then it becomes even more alarming because these run into 6-8 casualties EVERY week. In other words the most serious risk to our children is that of car drivers.

It's important that kids are 'stranger danger' savvy but it's even more important that they are 'streetwise' in the much broader sense. You don't want to make a happy confident, trusting child nervous or anxious but you do want her to remain safe and so I would encourage you to stress that YOU are always happier when you know exactly where she is, that you'll both get distressed if she gets lost or you get separated and that it might take some time to find her if you do and so that is why important not to wander off without you. You might even want to suggest that the reason why you asking her to use a wrist-strap is so that YOU never find yourself alone in a crowd without her!

However, for your own piece of mind you might want to think about measures you can take so that if she does wander off and get separated from you, anybody finding her can help her be returned to you. A friend, for example, puts a 'dog tag' on a chain round her grandchildren's necks with her mobile phone no on it so that anybody finding them doesn't have to rely on a potentially distressed child remembering what it is. You could perhaps also devise a 'drill' for her eg, that if she's separated from you on the street, that she is to go into the nearest busy shop and ask the person behind the counter to phone you or the local equivalent of 999. Or that if she's separated from you on the beach that she must remain where she is and wait for you to come for her etc or that she mustn't go somewhere away from other people with anybody who offers to try and find you for her.

Remember, as I'm sure the McCann's will for the rest of their lives, that their daughter was abducted when she was alone without an adult family member with her and you are not talking about that sort of situation. She could have been missing for nearly 30 mins before her absence was discovered and you are talking about situations where you are likely to notice that she's missing almost as soon as she's gone from your side. This is not to criticise them - few parents haven't at some time taken similar chances with their children were they have assumed that the risk of anything happening was negligible? They thought they had all the bases covered and all any parent can do is try and ensure that they do the same but in the end you can't predict the unpredictable and the alternative is to keep them under such tight control and supervision that they never do learn the 'streetwise' skills that will keep them safe. Making sure that she knows exactly what she it do if she does ever get separated from you is just as important as trying to make sure that she never does in the first place.

SM

Marvellous words indeed.

When I was young I got lost in a Fine Fare hypermarket place. I must have had something or other drilled into me cos I went off and found an office somehow and they put a message over the tannoy for me (the days before customer service desks I guess, they would still have people in an office).

Of course, after that first time I used to deliberately wander off and go and see the nice people in the office at Fine Fare.

This might upset a few people but if I was taking a young girl abroad, I'd use one of those wrist straps. Blonde haired girls are seen as being attractive especially in places where the locals are fair skinned. A dodgy shop worker tried to kiss my sister when she was 12. Location was the Algarve.

Its such a hard one. My daughter is nearly 4 and like Fitzmum's daughter, hates holding hands and would be a nightmare if I tried to put reins on her. She is very friendly and doesnt seem to sense any danger as yet in talking to strangers and does try to wander off when we go into shops.

I must admit, I have had my reservations and concerns about this year's holiday especially as she wont be happy to be strapped into her buggy as in previous years.

Since Madeleine's disappearance, I have tried to be firmer with her, making her hold hands and yes, scaring her to a certain extent about talking to strangers and/or wandering off. She has got better and is fully aware that Madeleine is missing. I think this "coaching" will help when we do go on our holiday this year.

I think that the main thing is not to worry unnecessarily before you go. Trust your instincts. If you are still unsure then perhaps a wrist strap/reins might be the happiest choice for you.

Hope you have a happy holiday.

And when I was 12 I was 'touched-up' in one of my local department stores by a dark-haired, olive-skinned man and I'm dark-haired and olive-skinned too and the location was Liverpool! But it didn't make me (or my parents) think that Liverpool was populated with paedophiles or that my colouring made me more susceptible to this happening to me. They'd taught me good street survival skills and he didn't like having my Grannie's hatpin that I wore as a brooch in my coat lapel stuck in his hand!

Children are potentially in danger the world over, including at home and in fact the UK is an increasingly common destination for kids from eastern Europe who are trafficked into this country to work as child prostitutes, so let's keep a sense of proportion about these things. Portugese men are no more and no less of a risk to kids than British men are and it is irresponsible to worry parents needlessly by alleging that they are. Just as the fact that some UK men travel to the Thailand to abuse children on their holidays doesn't mean that Thai children are at risk from every male British holidaymaker, so the fact that blonde children will stand out in most southern Eurpoean countries doesn't mean that they are especially vulnerable to sexual assaults from the local men there either.

SM

Thanks for all your kind, sensible words!

I've talked to her about Maddie - she's promising me that we will hold hands now at all times!! we'll see!!

I know I must keep reminding myself that these things are rare - its just that moment of heart stopping that you get when you realise your child is out of your sight. In a large, busy place like Benidorm it would be easy.

I will get a wrist strap for when we are going round the shops - its better than constantly looking round for her and being a bag of nerves!!

Thanks all x

Another thought and I would do this. Wrist starp on 6 year old. Some pushchairs will hold child up to 20kgs. Average 4 year old is I believe around 18, 4 year old in pushchair which I would borrow from a friend. A 4 year old might not like it but when it comes to safety. TOUGH.

I would say take the wrist strap, ask her to hold your hand first and if she gets too excited in shops etc and starts to wander off, then "threaten" her with the wrist strap. It all depends on whether she is used to having a wrist strap in the first place. My kids both had them (son had one so I could push daughter's pram without him wandering off and if he threw a tantrum in the supermarket I could just drag him along the slidey floor on his belly , then daughter had one because every time I took her anywhere it was like having a pet chimp...) They both used them until they started nursery school but wouldn't use them after that in case they saw a school friend whilst out; obviously on holiday this shouldn't be a problem.
As for taking a pushchair - a lot of parents "borrow" a pushchair for an older pre-school child on holiday just so they can put them down for a sleep in a bar/restaurant in the evening and be able to keep an eye on them and still enjoy an evening out.
I do feel that poor Maddie was not abducted "off chance", it seems to me someone was possibly "watching" the family's movements and waiting for their moment. Although, having said that, you can never be too careful and these things can only take a quick moment.

Please don't dress the little ones in t-shirts with their name on, its never a good idea for strangers to know it as it makes them seem safer to the child and so many parents seem to do so.

I do feel that poor Maddie was not abducted "off chance", it seems to me someone was possibly "watching" the family's movements and waiting for their moment. Although, having said that, you can never be too careful and these things can only take a quick moment.

Yes, this is what worries me too - I know I will be sitting round the pool with one eye on the kids and the other on people watching them/us. I know it sounds terrible but I imagine that if gangs are taking children to order and planning it, large busy, family hotels are the perfect picking ground. It fills me with dread!

Thanks for all you tips & suggestions. Seriously thinking of a pushchair ( I know that they can be hired from a company that the hotel uses)

And a wriststrap is a definite!

Can I also suggest if your taking camcorder/photo's of your children with friends they make on holiday, can you ask their parents if they'd mind.
A woman was really irate with me on holiday after taking photos of my son and hers, honestly, I was mortified and nearly in tears after she'd finished.
I never gave it a thought but I suppose in this day and age...................

So after that I always asked.

That's a really good point re asking permission to film/photograph other people's kids but it's a good idea even if it involves other adults. In the days when if you ended up in someone else's photies the most you could expect was that they would get put in an album that gathered dust on their shelves once they'd been seen by their immediate family and friends it never really bothered me. But we now that we live in a digital age, they can so easily end up on MySpace, Bebo etc and be seen by millions and I would rather have control over who sees my picture and the context in which it is viewed by others.

The local youth worker who apparently didn't mind his pal taking a picture of him in the nude whilst on holiday certainly did when it got him suspended from his job after his so-called 'pal' posted it on MySpace complete with details that enabled him to be clearly identified! Yes, he really should have thought more carefully before he allowed the pic to be taken and, yes, his pal didn't think about the consequences of posting it on the Net but it's easy to be wise after the event.

SM

Whilst I feel desperately sorry for the Mc Canns this little child was not under adult supervision. You would not leave a 3 year old in her bed on her own in this country so why on earth do it abroad.? In all the years we've taken our kids abroad when they were little, wherever we went they did. Time is nothing on holidays so what if they don't go to bed til 12 they can sleep in the next morning. Please do not frighten your little ones unnessessarily. Yes make them aware of the danger but please do not give them nightmares about it.!

Good point Helen.
Also, if your child learns to hold your hand whilst out and about in this country it will come as second nature when they're abroad. Also, a parent shouldn't let the young child "dictate" that they don't want to hold hands- it's much better to have a safe crying child than to give in and have them run off. Yes, I have brought up two sons so I do know what I'm talking about.

Seriously thinking of a pushchair ( I know that they can be hired from a company that the hotel uses)

A friend of mine bought a second-hand pushchair from a car-boot sale to take on holiday for her pre-school child, it was cheaper than hiring one and they left it behind with another grateful family before they came home

You can buy a brand new pushchair (including guarantees, warranties etc) from Mothercare for £20.00 Cheap Buggy. I managed to pick one up a few years ago in the sale for £6 !! Another place to try is Woolworths. With prices like that, if you didn't want to bring it back, you could always leave it there.

When you have an independent 3 (going on 13) year old its not always possible to make them hold hands all the time. I use the easy option of a pram, but we still have major tantrums trying to get her in it sometimes much to the disgust of "some" people.

As for scaring them with stories, sometimes the means justifies the ends. If telling my daughter that there are nasty people out there who might take her away from me and her dad if she was to wander off and talk to strangers then that it was I will do. It does not frighten her. Hopefully, it will make her think twice about talking to someone she doesn't know if I am not there and look around for me if/when she wanders off. I'm not being cruel telling her these things and it hasn't given her nightmares. Unfortunately, we live in a society where cruel people prey on independent friendly kids.

Back in the seventies when kids roamed around much more than they do today, we were all told about strangers, there were those public info adverts on telly about all sorts of dangers (remember Charlie the cat?). We were just told what to do and it wasn't scary at all, nor should it be for youngsters today. Our perceived dangers are heightened today mainly because of the excessive media coverage of things when they do happen. Kids take things in very well and you don't have to spell out the consequences of what might happen, just drum into them what they do or don't do.

We are going on holiday in July to a busy Holiday Village with our two children aged 8 and 6. One thing I do intend to do before we go is take a decent close up picture of each of them and keep it on my digital camera. Then even if they were to wander too far or get lost in a crowd at least we would have a good picture readily available to show everyone.

Not wanting to spend my whole holiday worrying but seems a good precaution.