I have read this post a few times and wanted to write but never got around to it...I will NOT get into any debate for or against just wanted to point out that NOT all turkish men are out to get you...

I have been married to a wonderful turkish man for 18 yrs now...2 children ( ages 14 and 11 ) and we have been living in Turkey for over 11 years now...so yes it can work...

We met in the US..moved back to Canada for 7 yrs and then moved here.....

Plus I have many foreign women friends with similar situations like myself ( long term marriages + kids )...and of many different nationalities...Swedish, Greek, English, German etc...so a happy ever after story is possible..

just use your common sense and keep a good head on your shoulders...dont be naive....and good luck...

Sorry but it has to be said. Swedish, Greeks and Germans generally are not after visas to get into the UK, urgo it is far easier to trust them

I am extremely pleased that it has worked out for you caretta.

chris im wondering if she meant swedish,germans etc married to turks not british, this is my understanding unless ive misunderstood her lol

Probably me getting the wrong end of the stick as usual Karen.

Yes I meant Swedish, German, English and Greek etc..women married to Turkish men..and like me for many years...I also know the reverse...English, Scottish, American men married to turkish women...

Hi Caretta

Like you, my turkish hubby and I have also been married 18 years with 2 sons 14 & 11, and a daughter who'll be 3 in October.

Every marriage to a turkish guy is not a tale of visas, money and conmen, there are happy couples who've been married quite a while and are still very happy together.

Turkish men can't all be tarred with the brush as they're not all the same. Just keep your wits about you and your head screwed on.

Quite nice to see some positive comments on this topic by people who have had good relationships with turkish men ,just goes to show they are not all out for what they can get,

Bluepeterno1

Yes, but I do find it odd though, as presumably they must also be aware of some of the less positive experiences of others as well, but are choosing not to post those. As a middle aged woman myself, who knows of someone who has been through a life changing experience, I would have though the responsible thing to do would be to urge caution to the young women who go out there, rather than a 'it worked for me so you will be OK approach'. I see these posts as encouraging the vunerable who ask for advice.

I do think the problem is more prevelant in the Marmaris, Oul regions though rather than Antalya, but I guess that is down to the areas Brits tend to holiday.

well i have to say i was one of the people commenting on how it neednt be all doom and gloom lol! of course there are people out to screw you for everythng but it doesnt mean you can tar all turks with the brush........you will get good and bad. of course people liek myself in good relationships to turks or married to em etc can as you say encourage, as i did state before of course you have to be careful and cautious, its common sense sometimes! of course soemtimes you have to follow your head and not your heart....
but thats only an individuals decision to make......at the end of the day we all have to make out own mistakes and live with them.......so if we choose to take a chance and not wonder what if then so be it! personally speaking i have my head firmly screwed on and my eyes wide open and have always said that if marrying my hubby is a mistake then its my mistake to make and me who has to live with it, who are other people to tell me???no one is perfect! i also have to say that reading neagtive posts can really put me on a downer, sometimes people come on here looking for support and advice, not to be shot down in flames as cemile was! of course we all have opinions and i know most are just trying to be helpful but there are people like me really trying to make marriages work after so many difficulties who need support or to ask questions etc-not to be critisised! anyway thats just my tuppenceworth..........!take care everyone!x

It's true there are some success stories - but they are always the ones where the the couple are ivariably similar in age and attractiveness , and have had a proper relationship before commiting to one another.

I'd say for every success story there are at least 100 where the man has only chased the woman for money, sex, or a visa. Many of these men date women who are not just decades older than themselves, but totally unsuitable for them in every single aspect. Why would an attractive young man who is surrounded by young pretty girls' throughout the season want to date a woman who is probably older than his own mother? Or date a woman he has nothing in common with, and can't even communicate with without the aid of a translation site because they don't speak the same language?

Some of these men actively seek out women to date who live 2000 miles away; what normal young man would want that? It's obvious what they're after - and it's amazing that the women can't see what these men are up to. Maybe if these women wore a hat they wouldn't get so much sun to their head and they'd be able to think more rationally.

Strawberry

That's what I was going to say strawberry.

I said to Cemille something along the lines of just enjoy it for what it is. I said this because of her age and that of her boyf being similar and both young. The horror stories I've read have pretty much all been older women/younger men.

Like Strawberry says - they often leap into something on the basis of the sweet talking, 9/10 reeling from the lack of attention of men back home and to be honest, quite vulnerable to such attention. I still can't understand why so often in these circumstances grown women with years of experience of life and relationships seem to throw caution to the wind, jump in two feet first and then end up getting stung.

i fully agree with last 2 posts, all the turkish/english marriages i know that have worked are all of a similar age, the horror stories i hear from people are when it generally involves a turkish man of say ages 20-30 with a foreign woman of say 50-60 ish, this usually ends in disaster

doepsmc, I don't think I gave that attitude in my post, but rather the other side of the coin to the many disaster stories we read in the weekly magazines. Our 18yrs of marriage has been anything but a bed of roses and we've probably had to conquer more obstacles than say, a british couple.
I don't really think it's the young girls who should be given the advice, it's the "older" ladies who should be given the pep-talks as they seem to be the one's who fall for these visa geezers the most.

Not just because i want it to work but most of the horror stories i've heard or witnessed have been old women with young boys. My boyfriend is the same age, he is intelligent; still in schooling etc. so i honestly don't think he needs me because he could get into england on his own. Plus, i'd like to think we are of a similar attractiveness but i've been told by english/turkish men/women alike that i'm way out of his league, although obviously i don't think that. Could be too late though, since reading these posts i've said a few harsh words and fear it could be the end...

Cemile , most of the advice given here is by people who are acting on hearsay .i know a friend who knows a friend ,They dont know for sure . Try looking at caretta and alisons posts , the positive ones as well as the negative ones and then make up your mind it is your life ,if you want to end it with this guy then do so but not because of hearsay , i really hope you get sorted out .

Take care
Bluepeterno1

Hi again..all..wow..missed all this..LOL...anyways all good points taken and again keep a good head on your shoulders...think about what you are also getting into..a multi-cultural relationship..that yes like Alison sayes can have its ups and downs and is not always peaches and cream...but again any marriage can be trying...I also wanted to point out that my husband and I are the same age...ok well one year apart..LOL...good luck to you....Cemile

Hi Cemile,

It's up to you what you decide to do, but remember your first post on here was askng how to send money to Turkey - and if the money is for this man then that should be a BIG warning signal to you! Incidentally, he wouldn't be able to get a visa for the UK unless he met very strict criteria; visas are notoriously hard to get - and they're getting harder all the time. Having an English fiance or wife is one way these men try to get a visa - that is why they ask almost every woman they meet to marry them.

Of course you will find some successful unions - but they are in the minority. I have lived in Turkey, and I personally KNOW of many, many women who have been duped by these men. This is not hearsay - I am not just a holidaymaker who pops over to a resort for a few weeks of the year, and becomes fooled by the waiters' friendly banter - I have seen it happen with my own eyes. In fact, the problem is so bad that the Mayor of Marmaris has stepped in to try and do something about the problem; he feels the antics of these men are giving Turkey a bad name - and I'm sure HE knows what he's talking about!

In your case, Cemile, it could be that he is a very nice man, but the fact you've asked how to send money to Turkey suggests that may not be the case. If I were you I would just enjoy your holiday romance while you're together, and when you're at home here just get on with your life and carry on as normal. Try to keep a balanced view on the relationship - holiday romances are very different to true life relationships.

I have lived with my Turkish partner for almost 4 years (both in Turkey and the UK) and he is of the same opinion as me - most of these resort workers who prey on gullible women are disgraceful. Oh, and it isn't just women they prey on either - they often try to befriend holidaymakers hoping a kindly couple will feel sorry for them and send them over the occasional gift!

At the end of the day it's entirely up to you what you do, and whichever decision you make will have no affect on my life, but I'm just trying to let you know how it really is - and to tread with caution. This man could of course be perfectly genuine, and I hope he is, but statistics prove that the majority of muslim Turkish/Kurdish men who work in resorts are opportunists and will try to get as much out of a woman as they possibly can. Not all of them of course - but most.

Strawberry

"He knows i love him but he also knows that its not so unconditional that i will put up with some of the things the turks try to pull. Including sending him money which i'm not going to do..."

Cemille posted that on April 1 - can we give her some credit please, she has stated she isn't sending money over.

Strawberry, I totally agree with what you are saying but find it quite shocking that you are so cynical when you yourself are part of a multi cultural relationship with a turkish man?