Dear Colin

I read your post and put my head in my hands, this is something we have heard many times before from guests that stay with us! Thankfully attitudes are changing and people are becoming more adventurous, and others well they just "face it out".
Please don't let archaic, misguided, petty people stop you from travelling....It is their problem not Yours!!

It needn't be a headache, stressful or a nightmare and there are places out there that can help you from booking, to ensuring accessibility, hiring equipment, etc......The world is literally your oyster!

Come stay with us - you would be more than welcome - and no one will shout, stare, make rude comments or anything like that!

I really hope that you feel that you can travel, and I hope that you do!

Have a great holiday and what the hell - who cares what other people think.....Once again, it is their problem that they're bigots and small minded. Please, please, please do not think that it is a hassle or that you're a hassle in any way!

Here here Jacqui I can only concur with everything Jacqui has said.

Even in this so called all accepting society there are still an awful lot of bigots around although I like to think these people are in the minority.

I myself have come across this many times but I dont let it bother me, if a person stares I just stare back or even ask them (tongue in cheek) 'Is it my beauty that attracts you' Gives me a good giggle when they turn away.

Please, please, please Colin don't let the minority ruin it for you & your family, you book that holiday & have a wonderful time

Thanks!

It just makes me soooooooo mad to hear stuff like this, yet I also know that it happens, what sort of society do we live in that can be so judgemental.....

Anyway - Who is "normal"??? Not me and I know that for a fact!!

Jacqui, I'm sure you try all you can to make stays pleasant and its wonderful that there are folk around who are prepared to help In our situation our son can become a danger to himself and others around him and trying to get him to stay still and calm when travelling is very difficult. We have had people wanting to move seats away from us in the past on the flight because of his rocking backward and forward.

I suppose the severity of the disability will affect the degree of difficulty travelling abroad can become and as he becomes physically stronger, we become older and weaker. I can remember on our last visit abroad with him to Menorca, on our way back the early boarding we requested resulted in us all being elevated in an open ramp up to the plane with wheelchair passengers We clung onto him as were scared stiff that if he had started to throw himself about we would have gone over the side.

Thanks for your comments, but I'm not sure whether we can book the holiday with him, it really does turn into a more stressful time than we have being at home.

Hello Colin,

My heart goes out to you - you're not alone in having to deal with this problem. Disabled children and young people who might once have had a shorter life expectancy are now living longer and longer due to better medical care and treatments. Coupled with this they are also less likely to be cared for in institutions and to remain at home with Mum and Dad. As you say, whilst they're still young, and you're still young, this is easier to manage but as they turn into adults and Mum and Dad themselves get older and less able to cope, the situation can be really difficult for everybody involved.

I can see that having others tell you that it shouldn't matter to others how your son behaves is no help if you and he find the whole experience so distressing that the benefits of the holiday are outweighed by the stress. I suppose the question I would ask is whether you think a holiday abroad is of benefit to your son and whether the pleasure he gets from it outweighs the stress of getting there for all of you. If it is then, yes, say to hell with the rest of you and leave others to get on with it if that is what you want, but it sounds as if it isn't and that this is taking it's toll on you and your wife.

My suggestion, for what's it's worth, is that if the change of situation does him good, is to ask does a family holiday need to be abroad? Would a specialist provider here in the UK, within short travelling distance of home still provide all of you with that 'away from home' fillip that you must feel need of just as much as everybody else? If you can provide him with the holiday that will do him good, then don't forget that you and your wife have needs too and shouldn't feel guilty about meeting them, including having some time to yourselves.

Your son is now of an age where most parents wouldn't be expecting to spend every holiday with their offspring. Just because he will never be able to holiday totally independently from you doesn't mean that you should feel guilty about holidaying from him independently once in a while. Good respite care could be just as much as a holiday for him and would enable you and your wife to have the sort of holiday you enjoy that will enable you to come home refreshed and restored to cope with the challenges that having an adult child with severe learning difficulties still living at home presents. You don't have to apologise to other holidaymakers for his behaviour but you don't have to apologise to anybody else for wanting some respite from your 24/7 caring responsiblities either.

Obviously, I don't know the details of your personal circumstances nor the degree of your son's disabilty or what current support you receive from Social Services etc but could potentially help with some practical suggestions if you would like to PM me. As well as Social Services there are charities out there that can offer help too. You and your son both have rights to support and assistance. You don't have to struggle on alone with this even though I do know that that must be exactly how it feels at times.

SM

SMa thank you so much for responding, much of what you have written pretty much sums up our experience. I have to tell you that 7 years ago our son went off to a specialised college for the Blind in Harrogate and after 3 years he returned home and with little or no support.

That was hard work for myself and my wife, however 2 years ago he was appointed a new care manager from our Social Services and she has been wonderful in helping to sort out Day Care, Respite Care and generally supporting and listening to what we feel is in his best interests.

He happily goes into respite and we feel less guilty about him being there. and he seems to welcome the change from being with us all the time. 3 years ago myself and my wife went on a holiday together alone for almost 25 years, we repeated this last year and are heading off this year to Cala D'Or for a week at the end of May

So I want to say that there has been some light at the end of the tunnel and whilst travelling abroad with him is something we may not be able to do again, the support we have received in recent years has allowed us all to have a welcome break

Thank you again for your thoughtful, considered and understanding comments.

Hello Colin,

I'm so pleased to hear that you can see some way through this and that you are receiving support to help you care for your son. The offer still stands if you ever want to PM direct. I have knowledge and experience of the Princess Royale's Trust for Carers who have a good network of local centres and you might want to check out where your nearest branch is.

SM

Colin I wondered if you had considered perhaps driving instead of flying, there are some good camp sites in France where everything is provided and ready. If your son travels OK in a car it might be an option.